God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was like eating out sand paper
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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