ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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