So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
