What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
