I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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