yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
