i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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