I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
