So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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