So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
