I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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