He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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