I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
