Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
