I just threw up on my dentist
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize