it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
