i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
