Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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