Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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