i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
