If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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