I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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