I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
