I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
