FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
