I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
