Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
