I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize