I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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