12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
