I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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