Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
