Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
