it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
