Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If its not for food we ain't going out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
