oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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