i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
