you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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