I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
