if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
