YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
