My friends, they love my intelligence
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
