Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
