I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
