I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
