We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
