Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
