I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
