let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
