make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize