wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my poor anus
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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