Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
