Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
