She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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