Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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