Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
