Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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