Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
