I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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