you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i now understand why vodka
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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