Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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