i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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