I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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