I feel great
I just peed on a car
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
