Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
