I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
