I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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