Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
