The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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