he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
