I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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