I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
