Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
