And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize