My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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