I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
