Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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