my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
