Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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