SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
