i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
