Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
