At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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