she looked like the bat from fern gully.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
