well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
