I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
