She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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