Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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