I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
