Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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