I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
