Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
