i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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