Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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