its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everything isnโt always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes thereโs tequila.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
