You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
