i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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