So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
