last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
